I don’t know how to be consistent.

Hi? I guess? Its been over 9 months since I’ve posted anything? I am not consistent. Cartoon: The way-back machine | Winchester Star | winchesterstar.comI tend to get motivated in short bursts, which is not a surprise to anyone who knows me. For a while there, I was trying to make my blog a real thing.. posting two to three times a week, reposting on every social media site, making graphics, sharing… But here I am. I’m back to the regular grind of life, and the blog takes a back seat. Maybe even further back than a back seat – what even is that? A Wayback seat? Don’t tell Mr. Peabody.

Anyway, I’ve been on something of a journey lately. (Aren’t I always?)

I’m trying to get on top of… well everything. The year-who-must-not-be-named took a toll on me for sure. But now that I’m back to school in person and I feel like I have somewhat of a handle on things, I realize just how much work this is all going to take. Like, just living life is a ton of work y’all. Raising kids, Getting said kids to and from school and daycare, being active, keeping a clean house, staying on top of my work,  maintaining a spiritual walk, managing a household budget, buying, preparing, and eating (the right kinds of) food… Thank God I have a dedicated and actively engaged husband or I would just… cease to exist I think. It’s so much.

In these last few months of trying to get it right, I am exhausted. Like, consistent bone-tiredness. I fall asleep in the armchair in the living room while spending time with my husband after the kids are asleep. I don’t know how people can expect to keep this pace for, well, their whole lives.

But we do. We do the things that have to be done. We make the changes that need to be made. We spend the money that needs to be spent. We have the conversations that need to be had. And we get up the next morning and do it all again.

Related: Don’t Hurry, Be Happy

In speaking with someone about all of this recently, they put some things into perspective for me. I constantly question myself: How can I be consistent? Can I succeed? Can I do the things I need to do? Can I make the changes I need to make?

And you know what they said to me?

Why are you asking if you can do these things? You’re already doing them.

I mean sure, yes, I’ve made some small improvements. I’ve made some small changes. I say. But what happens when that doesn’t last? What happens when I fail?

Okay but… what happens when it does last?

What happens when I do succeed?

What happens when I just keep making the small choices, every day? When I can look back in a year and say “Wow. I really just kept doing it, didn’t I.”

I’m not a big proponent of positivity culture, and neither is the person who said that to me. But for whatever reason, the simplicity of the thought struck me hard.

We usually hang our hats on phrases like “I can do it” when really, the idea should be I am already doing it. Of course you can do it. A man with no arms and legs can swim across the English Channel and be ahead of schedule even. Monsieur Mangetout can eat an entire airplane. A person can accidentally win a half marathon (over 13 miles for my non-running friends – I had to look it up) when they thought they were running a 10K. Anybody can do anything. But when it comes to big changes, the gradual nature of the thing – the journey and process – the already doing is what matters. Being consistent isn’t a big-picture thing. It’s small things, over and over.

I’m typically averse to celebrating tiny wins because I know that a tiny win does not often mean a big victory is inevitable. But a big victory doesn’t happen without a lot of tiny wins happening first.

Give yourself some credit. You’re already doing the thing.

That is all.